Volume 2 Issue 1: Let Me Call You Sweetheart


Kelli J Gavin

I was never any good at flirting, but that didn’t stop me. I used cheesy pickup lines, delivered them poorly and giggled at my continued misfortune.

Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
If you were a library book, I’d check you out.
Life without you is like a broken pencil…pointless.

Until one day, I stopped laughing through the delivery, and gentlemen started adoring my awkwardness. I stopped pretend flirting and actually made an effort. No longer viewed as quirky, all of sudden my sense of humor or even lack thereof was adored and sought after.

My freshman year of college, there was a young man who seemed to be friends with everyone and always had a smile on his face. His roommate’s girlfriend lived in the dorm room next to mine.

One afternoon in January, he found me in the front lobby of our small campus wearing shorts, a sweatshirt, and knee-high cow hoof socks. You think I am joking, yet it is true and he found them endearing. He said that he knew there was a joke in there somewhere but one was not coming to him. So he flat out asked if I would like to go to a movie with his roommate and his girlfriend.

Wait a minute. I was wearing the most obnoxious clothing choice there could be, knee-high cow hoof socks, and he wasn’t going to take advantage of this awkward moment? This young man didn’t flirt, didn’t try to conjure up an awful silence filled conversation, or even make a joke to make me laugh. He said they were going to a movie and he wanted to know if I would like to go with him.

Yes. The answer was yes. But knowing me, I couldn’t just answer yes. I had to make a joke. I had to make it weird.

“Yes, I would like to go to the movie with you. But only if I can wear these socks.” Why were these the only words that seemed to come to me at a moments notice?

“You can wear whatever socks you want. Just make sure you are wearing socks. We live in Minnesota and I am sure it will be cold.” For the love of all things holy. He was serious. This young man was as horrible at flirting as I was. And I couldn’t stop smiling about our ridiculous interaction.

Long story short, one horrible flirt fell in love with another horrible flirt. Those two horrible flirters have now been married for close to 24 years. And we still deliver our ridiculous pickup lines to make each other laugh.

I am saving the following for Valentine’s Day:
Are you from Tennessee? Because you are the only TEN I see!


Kelli J Gavin lives in Carver, Minnesota with Josh, her husband of an obscene amount of years and they have two crazy kids. She is a Writer, Professional Organizer and owns Home & Life Organization. You can find her work with The Ugly Writers, Sweatpants & Coffee, Writing In a Woman’s Voice, The Writers Newsletter, Writer’s Unite!, Academy of the Heart and Mind, The Rye Whiskey Review, Spillwords, Mercurial Stories, 121 Words, Hickory Stump, Rabid Oak, HerStry, Ariel Chart, The Basil O’Flaherty, PPP Ezine, Southwest Media, Otherwise Engaged, The New Ink Review, and among others.  

Find Kelli on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @KelliJGavin
Blog found at http://kellijgavin.blogspot.com

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